India 2018

Hey guys! I've had an adhoc 3-week travel to India (due to work). It's much longer than my stay way back 2016, but the good thing here is that I got to do a side-trip to the north! I will be blogging the whole thing... but for now, here's me at the one and only Taj Mahal! It was soooo majestic! <3

Will do a follow-up post later this week. Right now, I'm just so excited to go back home to the Manila :)

Xoxo,

Ellie <3

 

Alternate Reality

In some other universe, there's a version of us apart
And they are constantly wishing to have each other's heart
They believe that in a different universe, another version of them is together
That is you and me, we are the parallel universe's version of forever

- Mara Manzano (07/24/2018)

Home

When Paul and I broke up last summer, and me having all the affirmation in the world that I'm fine (when I'm really not LOL), I did what any heartbroken person would do - I deleted ALL of our pictures in my phone, Facebook and Instagram. Yes, I took that awful step - which I now regret. :(
As it turns out, we were able to find our way back to each other's arms and thankfully Paul still has his copies, but I lost mine :( And realizing this, I am sooo glad that I kept my blog updated! Good thing I did not lose my mind there and deleted my posts.
With this, I realized that my blog really has become my online diary. I even joke that if ever one day I will lose my memory, at least I have my blog to check and look on to.
Now since I have a lot of catching up to do.. let's start.


Paul and I went to Baguio for his 29th birthday. Baguio is very special for us, so going there again for his birthday trip and our 1st trip since getting back together makes it even more special!

Late June, we had another first! We tried shooting (with a real gun yes) in a shooting range. It's actually Paul's father's day gift for Tito Roland (his dad) and I'm just glad he tagged me along. It was really so much fun! The whole month was pretty stressful for us in terms of work and releasing it through this one is a whole lot of fun.

And just recently, we went to Tagaytay to attend a good friend's wedding. We made sure to make the most out of it so we took a side trip to Batangas and stayed there for 3 days - making sure that we are just near the wedding venue. We stayed at Canyon Woods since the wedding took place at Caleruega. There was a storm at that time but our stay couldn't be more pleasant and relaxing. We took a break from all the riot of the real world and had a quality time together.

Well truth be told, I can say that we've come out stronger than before. We became more mature and with everything that's happening, we're lucky to have gotten a chance to have a glimpse of our future... a life that is happy, exciting and full of love. If I were to ask one thing then that would be good health for the both of us - so we can continue to enjoy and live our lives to the fullest. This time around, it's for good. <3

xoxo, Ellie

P.S. How beautiful is my bouquet? Paul got them for me when

he fetched me from work a few weeks back. Sweetums! <3

Memories Of You

Hey guys! What's up? Has life been treating you well lately? I hope it is. And if it's not, then I could only hope that you are treating yourself right.
Recently, I have been shocked by some information that I still can't digest. These are the type of things that make me sad - even though I'm not directly impacted, it makes me sad that these things had to happen. That people actually have to go through it.
On a lighter side, these recent events have triggered my poetic side. And without further ado... here's my first poem in 4 years. I dedicate this to a friend, a mentor and someone who has lost the love of her life - but I know in time, she will eventually find love again. Hope you guys like it:

I remember life being just okay
Take me wherever, I don’t have a say
Then I recall when life brought me to you
A couple months in, I know I’d say I do

My ‘okay’ life became so amazing
You brought so much joy, it kept me wondering
On what could have I done to deserve you
You made me feel a love that’s oh so true

You’re the rhythm to my rhyme, I used to say
As you respond with a kiss, you blew me away
Then we’d sing happy songs and won’t care about the world
I’d like to think of those things, right before it swerved

Did you know about this? Did you? Did you?
That you’d soon leave my world and leave me in blue
Why did no one prepare me for this heartache
But please know that I wouldn’t exchange anything for this heartbreak

You taught so me much, I hope you know that
Even after everything, even when my mind and heart is in combat
You will live through me, I will make sure
Thank you for loving me, thank you for a love that’s pure

I could only hope that you’re free and happy
Fly high baby, fly high my one and only
I’ll take note of the happenings while you’re away
So I can tell it all to you when we meet again one day

As I go on with my life, I’ll take all the lessons
Even though as I cross the bridge, I still have so many questions
I can’t wait until I see you again and we start talking
But for now, always know that memories of you will never be forgotten.

Xoxo,

Ellie

Fight Your Demons

I planned on talking about this topic months ago.. but I couldn't bring myself to write it. Not until recently, Chester Bennington, Avicii, Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain died because of it.
I want to talk about depression and anxiety.


Google's Description


Depression is a mood disorder characterized by low mood, a feeling of sadness, and a general loss of interest in things.


Anxiety comes in many forms—panic attacks, anxiety attacks, phobia, and social anxiety—and the distinction between a disorder and "normal"


I want to start by sharing that I have anxiety. I think we all do. But I have had anxiety attacks which are pretty bad. I can't remember how it started but it surely has to do with me being a worrier.
With the recent events in my life where I had experienced rejection, my anxiety grew stronger - yes, even when things already went back into its proper places and those rejection were replaced with comeback efforts, it still won't go away. My recent episode was just last week wherein all bad things that had happened to me in the past came running through my fuckin' mind.


My mind, with anxiety of course, did not make it any better and made up a whole fuckin' scenario of a much more fucked up story. All this happened with no basis at all. It's just my head messing up with me. For my experience, this is my anxiety. And it is never easy.


On a positive light, I am a very talkative person and I have very talkative friends. I am lucky to be surrounded by a supportive family and an understanding boyfriend who is willing to help me get through this. Thus, it makes the load feel lighter. Actually, with me opening up with how I feel, it makes the load go away. Because remember, there's actually nothing wrong in the first place.
All of these are happening just because of past experiences which your brain cannot delete and yet it multiplies it to create worse stories which are totally upsetting. And if not taken seriously, it will all bottle up and lead to depression. So to say, me sharing all my thoughts and being open to the people I love does help a lot.


Another thing that has helped me is my self therapy. I watch motivational YouTube videos that uplifts me and makes me think of things in a positive perspective. I have also made it a habit to read a quote per day and I send it to the people whom I think would need it, aside from the bible verses I read which are also very helpful. Reading and hearing other people talk about it makes it waaaay easier. Because you know that you are not alone in what you are experiencing.


I also find entertainment in watching sitcoms such as Friends, How I Met Your Mother and watching series like 13 Reasons Why (really helpful as it tackles this sensitive topic), Game of Thrones, Riverdale, Sherlock, The Crown, Stranger Things, Narcos..etc. It shifts my mind whenever dark thoughts come into mind.


My anxiety attacks, if I were to assess, are still pretty normal. So I really am going to help myself get over this and hopefully, not get back ever.
But on top of that, I just really want to help. In US alone, suicide rates has increased by 25% since 1999. And this is something that could have been prevented. If only.. if only.


I am no expert. I am not a doctor or an experienced person in this field. But I have my share of demons and I think it can be fought. With this, if you know someone who is suffering, talk to them. Be there for them and help them.


National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
DIAL: 1-800-273-8255
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Two People

“Sometimes, two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together.”

Balik Sa Simula

At hindi ka lumayo, nung ako yung sumusuko
At nagbago ang mundo, nung ako’y pinaglaban mo
At tumigil ang mundo, nung ako’y pinili mo
Siya ang panalangin ko

~ when I’m ready to talk about it, I will. For now, I hope everyone’s doing fine and happy.

Painting not mine so credits to the owner.

Song lyrics from Moira dela Torre’s Tagpuan.

Xoxo,

Ellie